I love being a nerd. Being a nerd is about having the passion to truly care for something. This sounds like nothing, but it's a lot harder than it seems. People will disparage what you love, and sometimes for good reason. I think it's easier not to care, and I've definitely been there.

But I can't stay for long, because I love what I love. I love it deeply, and maybe in a different way than others because I rarely reveal just how much I love something. But I think I'm loyal to what I love (and in general, I'm stubborn as hell) and sometimes I almost want to hide it from other people because I don't want their influence on it. But eventually, I will share it, and with certain people. 

Mari is one of those people. She's my co-blogger, which means that we're sharing one of the previously most sacred things to me: a blog. Books. My first blog was established in secrecy because I was obsessed with this being something I built up on my own, based entirely upon my own merit. This blog, however, is meant to reflect me and my personality, and is almost a symbol of our friendship. We share this, and it's our baby.

I love this blog like Dean loves his impala. (It's my baby!)

I want to share what I love, and Mari is one of my favourite people for that. I send her so much content and I don't expect her to love all of it (although it wouldn't have killed her to read that Atlantic article about Vladimir Putin!). 

It's just that there's this incredible joy when you find something to love, and it's almost a surprise because everything in the universe had to align just so before you could find that thing that brings joy. I'm always surprised when I find something I love because it's so random. It gives this lovely sunshine-ish feeling and I end up humming songs like "I'm Walking on Sunshine" and maybe skipping and smiling randomly when I remember something I particularly loved, and it's such a great feeling that is under-appreciated because it's so random. It's hard to know when something will click in a certain way like that so when it does, it feels precious. It feels like something I want to protect. 

It's also fragile. I know things had to align for a certain way for me to love something, so I'm so careful about the way I treat it. I like to keep it mostly close to me. But sometimes, I can't help it. I think something all bloggers have in common is our desire to share our passions. I want to do it as honestly as I can, and sometimes I don't want to because I don't want to explain myself. I just want to love what I love. But the next level of being a fan is fandom. 

Fandom terrifies me because it goes against that keeping cards close mentality I can sometimes have. I don't think I'll ever be comfortable enough to engage fully in fandom, especially of the Tumblr variety (although I will follow the blogs and I think the gifmakers are amazing and wish I could credit them more), so I'm just happy if I can have someone I talk to who understands my intense love for something. 

Mari, look at this! Love it like I do!

I want Mari to love what I love. She has a harder time finishing books than I do, so I always feel like helping her find her next love. I want her to read what I read and genuinely love it. I know she's scared of disappointing me by not loving it. Well, I don't want her to feel that way. I don't want her to feel bad about not loving what I love, which is only natural when it comes to human beings. That being said, every time I try to get her to watch something, it is something I truly love. 

It's a little bit like putting myself out there. I declare that this thing is something I love, and I hope my friend likes it too. I want to share something else with someone I trust, and fangirling is so much more fun when someone else can participate. Concurrently, I don't want her to feel obliged to enjoy something just like I did. 

I want her to find the same joy I have with something in the world, and I guess the difficult part of this is that regardless of how much love I have for something, sometimes she won't reciprocate. And that's something I live with. By no means is it a major burden, but I think it's just such a sweet part of friendship; to share what one loves.

-P.E.

Confession: I'm a severely moody reader. So moody that I can't read for days in a row because I'm kicking every book I start to the curb after reading an uninteresting first paragraph.

As such, I am so grateful but also really cautious of book recommendations. It was book recommendations that found Vampire Academy, Outlander, The Bronze Horseman and so many other books I've loved over the years. But I think it's something even more nerve-racking about having someone you're close with recommend a book that they have adored and obviously wish to share that with you.

How we hang at TSC!

P.E. is that someone for me. I value her opinions and adore the fact that she is a reading machine who I use to my advantage when checking the quality of a book to determine if it's worth reading. At the same time, P.E. and I are very different in reading styles. We've definitely had books we loved equally, but beside the hyped mainstream books I'm more of a romance and history lover, while P.E. like mystery and paranormal stories.

It's quite horrifying to go into a book that is even more hyped up in my head because I know a person in real life and I know she is waiting and will ask my opinion about said book; while holding a knife to my throat.

As a reader this is essentially exactly what I've wanted all my life; someone to share my otherworldly book experiences with. It's why I nagged and begged and pleaded to try to coax my brother into reading with no avail. However, it seems now that I've finally found a person who I can share that with, the stakes are too high. I don't want to disappoint or be disappointed.

I'll try to keep my pants on as I run...

It's a struggle. Sometimes I overthink things a little too much. But then so do YA heroines.

Conclusion: I'm a YA heroine. Read Mari is Terrified of P.E.'s Recommendations coming out Fall of 2054.

P.S. I do still want recommendations, please give me all of them. Just sorry if I end up squealing and running away from a phantom you holding a knife made of pages from the book you recommended.

Couldn't find a knife GIF.. I always thought spatula's were more dangerous anyways. 

-MARI