Help! P.E. has been kidnapped! Well, who's the kidnapper? P.E. herself.

I recently read Reality Boy by A.S. King and it wasn't the read I wanted it to be, but there is one theme it explored quite well that is sticking with me, days later in all situations. It's the idea of demanding what you should rightfully have.

This idea makes me quite uncomfortable because I think as a person, I feel guilty a lot. I live somewhere peaceful in a decent family and have friends and will be going to university. I have a great life, and I feel guilty sometimes because I wonder if I'm not living it to the fullest because I really ought to for all the people that want to be in my position but can't.

So demands are not things I'm very comfortable with, but it's something I know I can do. So, let's talk about some of my bookish demands.

1. I demand my right to love what I love.

This is a quite general demand that is true in numerous ways. First of all, there are people that are slightly rude when they find that I'm a reader. It's totally a nerdy thing to do, and you know what? Nerds are great. Nerds are just people that really love something deeply, and I'd rather be a nerd in love with the world than someone that enjoys condemning other people's interests.

Furthermore, there are the people that are snobs about what types of books I read. What I've noticed thus far is that there are ALWAYS people that don't look well upon what you're reading. Some books are too pretentious to read. Some are for boring people. Some are not mature enough.

I really give no shits about what people think about what I'm reading (books make me too happy for that) so this is more aimed towards the people that enjoy just shitting on what you love. Stop that.

2. I demand to read what I want.

Oh, the blogging pressure. No one will outright say that certain books needs to be read (well, we all say it but not seriously!) but absolutely, there is an undercurrent that the best blogs have ARCs of the most hyped up books first. There's pressure to stay on the curve and keep up with your audience: new books.

The fact that I'm writing on a YA blog now doesn't mean I'm not allowed to read books on philosophy or memoirs. I'm allowed to grow as a reader.

This pressure doesn't exist for everyone, and it's probably self made, so I'm going to demand this of myself: I have a right to read whatever the hell I want. I don't need to read a review book because some author seems very sweet and the synopsis might possibly work for me. I don't need to force myself to try ARCs to keep my blog going. I don't even need to stick strictly to YA. I demand that my life is too short to spend doing what I don't want to do, and I will read what I want.

3. I demand that I stop feeling guilty for not liking something.

I am sad whenever I don't like a book. Especially when other people whom I respect immensely like the book. I always wonder, what am I missing? It can make reading a strange experience because I'm wondering if I'm not empathizing enough, or if I expect too much from a certain book.

I've been told my ratings for books are quite harsh because as soon as I remember a book with negative feelings, it gets a 1 star and five stars are quite rate. 2 stars is my average read. Just as I am capable of loving books, I am equally capable of clearly not liking a book, and I shouldn't feel so incredibly guilty at the thought of an author looking at my review. They're grown-ups  (for the most part!) and they can handle it. It's not like I'm shoving my opinion in someone's face, either.

I'm sure there are more demands I'm probably forgetting, but three works for me. Reality Boy made me remember that demands aren't always selfish, and it's important to be kind to oneself.

-P.E.

When I was younger, I was a very different reader than I am today. Today, I look for depth and read darker stories as well as fantasies. When I was younger though, I didn't want to read about problems. I wanted to dream about somewhere happy, where I could have a place.

I read a lot of books that are labelled "guilty pleasures". This can include so called "trashy" books like the cliched paranormals, and a lot of chick lit. You know, the type of books where everybody was rich and everybody was loved. The stories weren't about life changing things. Usually, they were very petty- it was about competition, jealousy, and there were often tonnes of designer brands.

Slowly, I evolved from those books. At some point, I had read every single Poppy book in existence, from Gossip Girl to the A-List, to Secrets of My Hollywood Life. I don't know what happened, but somehow I did a complete 180 and grew tired of those books.

Now, years later, when I look back at what I read as a tween, for some reason I feel a little embarrassed. These books were by no means classic. They weren't impactful or with exceptional writing. They were frankly, entertainment. And in some way, I feel a little embarrassed when I think of having read them, and other books like Twilight. Why was I so taken with something that was obviously unhealthy for me?

It was unhealthy. No, really. As if I'm not already an extremely competitive person. The books themselves were completely blameless, but I had these images of perfect and what life should be like and they were completely unrealistic. It wasn't like I needed a real book to show me reality; I needed a fantasy. Somewhere to escape to, sometimes. They were exactly what I needed, and I think they helped me a lot too. I learned pretty fast about the popularity/rumours scam, and my life has been very drama free maybe because I saw all the mistakes being made in those books and vowed never to make them myself.

The biggest issue I still have is why do I feel embarrassed for that? Why should I ever feel embarrassed for reading a book?

When I was younger, I used to read Warriors, this epic series about tribes of cats. It sounds a little out there, but I swear, it was brilliant. These books were both thrilling and heartbreaking. At some point, the quality of the series dropped a little and so my biggest memory of them is a conversation I had with my older cousin.

She was a teenager at that time and probably resented having to always entertain her younger cousin instead of hanging out with her older sisters. I was reading my book and she told me that one day, I would feel embarrassed for reading a book about warring cats. I told her I wouldn't- it was a legitimately good series.

To this day, I have never felt embarrassed about the cats, but again, why should anyone ever be embarrassed for reading?

There's a lot of snobbery that exists. I've heard stories of twenty-somethings being looked badly upon for reading YA. Hell, one of my friends even thinks YA is nothing but shallow romances. And these people are totally misinformed, but in a way it's hard to ignore them. I don't read classics, and I feel in some way I will be judged for that. Like, I'm supposed to be a bookworm so doesn't it make sense that I'd read the 'best' writing?

When I really think about it, I realize how wrong it is to be embarrassed for having read any book. Who gets to judge what book is classy and what isn't? Shouldn't I just read books based on what I like? At the end of the day, I read books based on my tastes for my own reasons, not so and so's reasons. So screw feeling guilty.

Don't. I know this problem also stems with me, because I can be an arrogant person, but I swear I'll try to stop it. We're allowed to have our own tastes, and I can't control if I don't like something, but I think the fact that someone is reading a book they enjoy should be encouraged, regardless of what it is.

Like people always say, insult the content, not the reader.

-P.E.

I understand it's not the right Monday, however Book Blogger Confessions is one of my favourite features and I would like to participate, albeit a little late.

This is a really awesome feature hosted by Midnyte Reader and For What It's Worth all about discussing and venting about bookish topics  

This week's (or last week's, hehe) topic:

Does participating in book tours/cover reveals and author guests post drive traffic to your blog? What type of problems have you encountered when hosting them? (please keep it civil - no names or calling specific people out) As a blog follower, are you ever turned off by these kinds of posts? How much publicity is too much? 

P.E.'s thoughts

I've done some book tours/cover reveals on my old blog, Tantalizing Illusions and they did get some traffic. Mostly it was the author letting everyone know what happened on what day but I did get a few new visitors. I doubt any of them stayed. I didn't participate in them too much, maybe just a handful of times and never with any of the marquee tours or events. Some posts had a huge spike in views but this didn't mean much for my blog in general. 

To be honest, I don't like doing them too much. It's not very much original content and often it's someone that asks me. There's a schedule and it's pretty organized, but a little chaotic in my experience. It ends up clogging my inbox and I'm constantly thinking about posting it on the right date. The formatting also takes a lot of time and in general, I find it a lot of work. 

What I don't like is that often, the content isn't original when it comes to blog tours or cover reveals. There's dozens of other blogs posting similar posts and while that can help with exposure for an author, as a blogger it's important to have original, creative posts. I feel like my blog is just for promotions when it's really not. I always consider my posts more about the discussion of books than the promotion. 

I've also had some issues when some authors gave in content that was misspelled which totally threw me off. If I fix it, it makes them look good even though they should have done that themselves. If I leave it, it makes my blog look unprofessional. Of course the negative stuff didn't happen very often. Most authors are very professional and respectful. I prefer as a blogger to post my own content however I've always been open to guest posts and the like. 

As a blog reader, I very rarely seek out these types of posts. If it's available on my reader, I'll take a look at it but beyond that I prefer reading bloggers' features and reviews. I don't often check out blogs that post exclusively promotional material. The only thing that differentiates any blog from another is the blogger writing the posts so if a blogger seems to be posting almost exclusively promotional material, then they probably won't get a follow from me. 

There are exceptions though. If it's an author interview with my favourite author, I will definitely check it out. I guess it's a nice way for authors to show their personality. 

Those were just my thoughts. What do you think?