Ottawa: Where All the Cool Authors Go

This post is meant to be satirical. So um, don't get offended. I write weird posts when I'm bored.

Dear Authors, 

Do you want to be part of an elite few? A group of people of uncharted levels of awesomeness? Do you ever tire of visiting Chicago and New York, and Dallas, and wonder, is there more to life? Is there more than these bustling American metropolitan cities? Do you ever sit back and think, "Eh, this is cool, but I need something more in my life." 

You may be pondering this as you stand in line at a donut shop, about to order some delicious donuts, when you come across a life-changing thought: where does the middle of the donut go? Now, you could go somewhere like Dunkin' Donuts, but you are an author! You, amazingly intelligent you, want more than the middle of a donut. You want to go somewhere where these forsaken pastry puffs are part of the goddamn culture. 

You need to go to Canada. The land of beavers, moose, maple leaves (and Maple Leafs, although those are considerably less cool) and Tim Hortons. A land based on a culture of multiculturalism. A land with an insane amount of love for skates, body checks, and winter. 

Oh! Some of you have been to Canada? How delightful! Yes, Toronto is an enormous world class city with such a pretty skyline. And oh my, Vancouver is one of the most beautiful cities in the world with both a mountain view and an ocean view. Maybe you've even visited bilingual and stylish Montreal. But you know what truly will distinguish you? Everyone has heard of the top three Canadian cities. What of number four? 

HA! You thought I would post a picture of Parliament Hill didn't you?! Ironically, this picture isn't even technically of Ottawa.

Yes, Ottawa, Ontario. Big city amenities with a small town feel. Ottawa is essential to every fabulous authors' book tour or visit.

Visit the picturesque Rideau Canal, the longest skating rink in the world (and what's more Canadian than skating?!) in the winter, and the most beautiful accompaniment to bike paths in the summer.

Experience the True Canadian Experience™ by visiting the most Canadian place in Canada: Parliament Hill.

Inspire your creative spirits by visiting the fifty gazillion million museums and enjoy delicacies such as beavertails, poutine, and authentic maple syrup (the latter you should enjoy before all our reserves are emptied!).

Ottawa is an awesome place so don't you forget about us when you're planning your book tours!

Love you guys,

P.E.